Ask Uncle Enzo - January 2019

Dear Uncle Enzo,
Can you tell me why our doctors have such a fascination with squeezing our "hineys"?
My honey was just peachy then that most humiliating of circumstances happened to me yesterday and in front of a bunch of complete strangers!  One treat is not enough for me losing my dignity in front of humans I don't know very well!
Signed A Humiliated Miss Music

Dear Miss Music,
I am certain that you are not the first dog to ask this same question as we have all been placed in that same incredibly embarrassing situation.  You walk politely into the vets office and wheres the first place they put that thermometer?!!  Then they speak very softly to your human as though you don't understand what they are saying...has your dog been doing a lot of "scooting"?  Scooting?!!  You have to be kidding of course I scoot!  The carpet is so soft and it does such a wonderful job of collecting the aroma of your special honey!  I never could understand why humans got so upset about the whole process unless of course it is the brown stripe that it leaves on the rug! I think maybe if us doggies can figure out how to keep the stripe off the carpet we might escape the expulsion of our honey!  My best advice is to take one of the dirty clothes out of the laundry basket and sit on it while you scoot.  Then return the soiled laundry back into the basket.  Gosh it was there to be washed anyway and the rug will be clean!  Then demand two cookies for being such a good doggy!  
Sincerely Uncle Enzo 
The Guru on the Mountain

Dear Uncle Enzo,
It's me Chloe.  I was wondering,  why do humans talk baby talk to us dogs.  I know I used to be called "Baby Chloe" but now that I am 4.years old and slightly more mature,  my Mom still talks to me like a baby.  Can you help me understand?  Thanks and love you lots.
Signed "Not a Baby" Chloe

Dear Chloe,
At four years old I tend to agree you are not a baby anymore. You are big enough and old enough to mind your manners, come when you are called, play nicely with the kitties Frank and CiCi and walk politely on a leash. Have patience with your Mommy because humans especially female humans want everything to be their baby.  I think they are wired that way to be Mommys.  They have been known to squeeze you, hug you, kiss you and yes talk baby talk to you.  It doesn't mean they think you "are" a baby but that you will always be their baby.  My suggestion to you is do lots of cuddling with her, close your eyes and enjoy the rhythmic sounds of baby language.  And most of all know that she loves you!  Yes I would enjoy this one for as long as I could!  
Sincerely Uncle Enzo
The Guru on the Mountain

Dear Uncle Enzo,
Where did you get those grooving sunglasses?  I want some! Do you have any fashion advice for a young pup like me?
Signed A Fashionable Pup Hachi

Dear Hachi, 
You are a very young handsome pup just beginning to explore your world.  Shades are a cool accessory but at your age and going on so many outside adventures with your Mommy, Shyla and R, I would recommend a good pair of Dogles. They will protect your eyes from the thin air at our high elevations and you will look like a cool pup too!  Us mountain dogs should look into stylish but practical outfits including a warm set of Muttluks or Polar Paws accessorized with a matching parka or a fleece jacket. I like a good hood on my parka because it keeps my ears warm! If you do have a formal event that you must attend a nice ascot will accent your natural good looks and you don't have to worry about obtaining "tails" because you already have one!  But always remember that you are a handsome fellow and do not always need the aid of human clothing to be popular!  
Sincerely Uncle Enzo
The Guru of the Mountain